Monday, May 25, 2015

Pleasing Others: I Don't Have To, I Shouldn't

I just had a "deep" conversation with my friend Samantha from samtheantworld.blogspot.com:
Note that parts of the conversation have been cut out for irrelevance to the topic at hand, or to make more sense.

Me: Memories mixing together, and melding as one, like snowflake into a puddle. They're all unique at first, but they all end up the same. Except for the truly special ones, the ones which you catch on your tongue or create a snowman out of... or plow from in front of your front door

Samantha: NICE

Me: And now, as I read your blog in the other tab, I STILL CAN'T REACH THE LEVEL OF SOPHISTICATION OF INTELLIGENCE, OF EMPATHY, AND OF UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU CAN.
WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!

[A few messages later]

Me: Like seriously, my latest blog post is REALLY FREAKING STUPID. I just want to keep up with one post a week... BUT WRITING SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE A CHORE. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF. I FEEL A NEED, A COMPELLING DESIRE TO CREATE. BUT IT'S NEVER GOOD... NEVER AS GOOD AS WHEN I SIT DOWN AND JUST TYPE... LIKE IT'S FORCED, YOU KNOW? IT'S NOT HEARTFELT OR COMPASSIONATE WITHOUT A MESSAGE OR MEANING. JUST THERE. JUST SITTING THERE, MEANINGLESS, WASTING PEOPLE'S TIME. JUST, ENDLESS BLOBS OF TEXT. UNNECESSARY, UNCALLED FOR YET WRITTEN FOR THTE SOLE PURPOSE OF PLEASING OTHERS. UTTERLY FAILING IN THAT GOAL. In short, I'm disappointed with myself and my blog...

Samantha: TAKE THAT ^^ AND POST IT!

Me: It'll be like, 1/2 a page!!!

DANG IT, THERE IT IS AGAIN!

Samantha: DUDE!

Me: I FEEL THE NEED TO DO STUFF, TO PLEASE OTHERS WITH LENGTHY POSTS, WHEN IN FACT, I DON'T... 

I JUST NEED TO POUR OUT MY HEART, MY THOUGHTS INTO THE KEYBOARD!

Samantha: YOU KNOW HOW MY FIRST 2 POSTS HAPPENED?! THEY WERE JUST HANGOUTS RANTS!!!

Me: [Back from a Caps Lock Rant] Oh really?

Samantha: YES!

[A few more messages later]

Me: And your blog is just so much more... AESTHETICALLY PLEASING!!!

Samantha: WELL DUH! IT HAS MONET, CAN'T BE BEAT!!

Me: AND ALL I HAVE IS A DULL BEIGE BACKGROUND WITH BOOKS.

LAMEEEEEEEEE

Samantha: NO I LIKE IT! DID YOU CHOOSE IT YOURSELF OR WAS IT DEFAULT?

Me: I chose it myself, but it was from the things that Blogger offered me for the template... I'M JUST NOT CREATIVE! I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM, BUT IN REALITY I'M FAR FROM IT. LIKE A LOWLY FLY THINKING IT'S A GREAT BIRD IN THE GREAT BLUE EXPANSE OF THE SKY. I CAN BUZZ AROUND WITH MY TINY TRANSLUCENT WINGS, THINKING THAT IT MEAN SOMETHING, BUT IN REALITY IT DOESN'T! IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! IT WILL DIE A SHORT, MEANINGLESS DEATH, DEVOID OF LIFE, JUST A CARCASS, SOME TISSUE AND TWO EYES ONTO A TINY BODY. ALL I CAN DO IS CONSUME!!! PRODUCE NOTHING, THAT I CAN DEFINITELY DO!

[A few more messages later]

Samantha: YOU SHOULD JUST TAKE YOUR RANT AND POST THAT!

Me: Yeah... But I'll post it next week...

Samantha: WHY?!?!?!?!

Me: So then I'll have material in case nothing pops us next week.

Samantha: BETTER TO DO IT NOW!!

Me: Dang it, THERE I GO WITH PLEASING OTHERS AGAIN! I SHOULD JUST DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE, NOT CARE. I SHOULDN'T FEEL COMPELLED TO WRITE, I SHOULD DO IT BECAUSE I CAN!

Samantha: EXACTLY! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG!

Me: I SHOULDN'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!

[A few more messages later]

Samantha: JUST WRITE WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING!

Me: Okay, then I will have minimal editing in the post that I will make out of this... [So meta!]

Samantha: LIKE YOU SAY YOU WANT TO SEEM MORE SPONTANEOUS, BUT I THINK YOU INTERRUPT YOURSELF TOO OFTEN. YOU HAVE SIDETONES EXPLAINING AND JUSTIFYING YOUR INTENT AND APOLOGIZING FOR STUFF! WHEN THEY SHOULDN'T NEED EXPLAINING AND JUSTIFYING AND APOLOGIZING. THEY STAND ON THEIR OWN!!!!

Me: True. 'Cause in the end, IT'S MY FREAKING BLOG.

--PRANAV